Alone, No More: Finding Authentic Connection Beyond Alcohol

Loneliness is a motherfu**er.

I never did well with being alone. I felt really alone, alone. So I had to fill in the space all the time.

Being out there with people is what we're genetically meant to do, though. There's a form of human dependency that is good. Connecting with purpose, more to give than to take.

So, from this perspective, drinking as a social lubricant, as a celebration, must be a good thing, right?

It can be in the right hands, but this thing is hard to manipulate without consequences. Who's able to do it, Bravo to you. But the rest, the 80% of "normal" drinkers, should look more carefully at how they deal with loneliness and why exactly they need the drink to be around people. I say around and not with on purpose.

How Alcohol Affects Social Connection

Drinking is expected when we think about socializing. But at some point, the whole thing flips. Because for some, drinking turns into a performative act.

You probably know that person who calls everyone when the weekend comes. They need the audience to drink. They're in the room but emotionally nowhere. Oversharing. Interrupting. Talking over people. Not having conversations but monologuing. The audience feels mandatory because being alone is crude exposure.

Our hyper-individualist culture tells us we should be self-contained. But that's never how humans worked. We're wired for real connection that can't happen when we're performing all the time.

The Transformation

Getting sober was my glitch in the matrix, towards authentic connection. I'm friendlier, nicer, and more accepting than I ever was. I have an immense interest in everyone around me, and I'm grateful each time I meet someone new. I don't need people to fit into a mold anymore. I don't need to be surrounded by what I called "cool people"—artists, intellectuals, pariahs, and fashionistas. I remember I even used to triage people based on clothing, origin, and profession.

I can now listen. Really listen—not just wait for my turn to speak. Care. Be fully in a conversation without trying to steer it toward my agenda or making it about myself. I can sit with someone's joy or pain without immediately relating it back to my experiences. And people mirror it all the time. You drop the appearances; they tend to do the same. Which I suppose is the real purpose of connection.

That's where loneliness finally lets go.

Drinking fuels escapism. The more present you are, the more "normal" you become, which leaves sufficient room for real connection when you want it, if you want it. Being alone is fine as well. Alone, but not lonely anymore.

Finding Your Path to Authentic Connection

The journey from social drinking to authentic connection isn't always straightforward. For many, alcohol becomes the bridge we think we need to cross the gap between ourselves and others. But that bridge is an illusion—it doesn't connect us; it disconnects us from ourselves first.

True connection begins with presence. With sobriety comes clarity about who you are, what you value, and the kinds of relationships that actually fulfill you rather than temporarily distract you from loneliness.

And that might be the most liberating discovery of all.

Stay Sober. Stay Cool.

High Sobriety Club