Growing Up with a Parent Who Had Alcohol Use Problems: You Can Heal

Growing up with a parent who drinks too much isn’t something you simply get over. For many of us, it was a childhood spent tiptoeing around moods and bottles, learning to read danger before we could even read words. Learning to make ourselves invisible.

My Story

My mum had her own problematic drinking issues for a long time. She had her reasons.

I was just a child, needing her to be predictable and consistent. To be fully there. I wanted her to be like the other mums. She had no idea how obvious it was to me. She always tried to hide it, and in her own way, she did her best. She fought hard to fulfill her duties. God knows she tried. How hard it must have been for her, fighting her demons and still wanting to give her best for us – only she knows.

Not all children are as lucky as I was. Some parents lose control completely, becoming aggressive, dissociated, mean, absent. My heart breaks for those children and for the adults they became.

Children always know. Children should be protected.

My mum has been sober for more than a decade now, and thank goodness we still have time to forgive and recover together. I’ve made peace with the past. I got sober myself. And now, the only thing that makes sense to me is to pay it forward.

What Research Tells Us

A substantial body of research shows how children of parents with alcohol use disorder (AUD) are affected:

• Mental Health Risks: Higher rates of anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem are common, persisting into adulthood even when other factors are considered.

• Behavioural and Emotional Disorders: Both internalising issues (like depression and anxiety) and externalising problems (such as ADHD and conduct disorders) are more frequent.

• Social and Relationship Challenges: Emotional neglect, unstable home environments, and inconsistent parenting often lead to difficulties maintaining healthy relationships, aggression, withdrawal, and poor academic performance.

• Substance Use Patterns: There is a clear pattern of intergenerational transmission. Children of parents with problematic drinking are more likely to start drinking earlier and develop their own substance use issues.

• Family Dysfunction and Adverse Childhood Experiences: These children face higher odds of emotional or physical abuse, neglect, family conflict, and poor communication.

• Academic and Cognitive Impacts: Lower school achievement, increased absenteeism, and higher risk of learning disorders are all well documented.

Some studies note that maternal alcohol use tends to have an even stronger impact on children than paternal use.

But Research Also Shows This

Not every child of a parent with alcohol use problems is doomed to repeat the pattern. Protective factors matter. Having a supportive, non-drinking parent or another stable adult in your life can buffer some of these risks. Resilience is real.

Make it Better

Yes, the data tells us that patterns repeat if we let them. But you can absolutely change the narrative.

That begins with turning your attention inward. Self-centering. Learning to be present. Focusing on your own needs. Refusing to carry guilt for a problem that was never yours to fix. Treating yourself with care and respect, wherever you are today.

If you’ve found yourself caught in similar patterns, now is a good time to stop.

For some of us, forgiveness becomes part of healing. Not because the parent deserves it, but because we do.

And perhaps the final stage of healing is helping others. Sharing your truth, breaking the silence, refusing to let the shame pass down another generation.

Growing up with a parent who had alcohol use problems marks you. But it does not define you.

Stay Sober. Stay Cool.

High Sobriety Club